The Guy Who Went to School

Ohhh, oh, hang on everybody
Hang on, please
Hold the fucking phone, okay?
Because--we're in luck
The guy who went to school
Is here to save the day!

Thank God he showed up
Because otherwise
I think we can all agree
That we'd all be fucked

I mean, how could we--
Poor peasant people
Who, for some tragic reason,
Never got an advanced degree--
Come up with a solution
To a problem
Without the help
Of somebody who didn't make
The same mistake that we did

Thank God for you, Mr.Went to School Guy
If you hadn't shown up
We were all just going to sit around
Sucking on our thumbs
Rocking back and forth
Mumbling like crazy people
Hoping the problem would disappear on its own
OR--that someone like you would come along to help us

Just do me a favor, just one, please
While you're solving the problem
Could you constantly remind us
That you went to school
And have a degree
And could you sort of toss it off
Like it's not a big deal
When really it is
Hence the frequent mentioning?

That would really be awesome
Because, frankly, I'm afraid I'd forget
That you got the degree
If you didn't mention it to me several times

And, like, make sure you mention the school you went to
Because I'm sure it's impressive
And just the sound of its name
Will inspire awe and reverence
In everyone here

Should we all back up
And give you room
To do your magic?

I imagine that when you go to school
They teach you various forms
Of witchcraft
And chicanery?

This is going to be something
Watching what someone can do
When they've been handed a task
And can apply their
'I Went to School'ness to it

I don't know about the rest of these folks
But I'm excited already