Thou Shall Have A Mackerel When The Boat Comes In

When the boat comes in
There shall be bounty

But until we see a sunset
And a spot on the horizon
It's porridge
And porridge it will be
And prayers of thanks will be given
And that shall be that

A boat full of nuns
And a priest are not stranded
On a deserted island
For nothing

For we are the patient
We are the tested
We are the rested
We are bested by the Lord
And can sustain any hardship
With his love and guidance

And also, with the fish I'm sure we will receive
When a rescue boat appears
To take us home

Until then
We must eat Sister Gertrude

Now, Sister Gertrude doesn't know about this yet
She's down singing by the spring we found
Reveling in God's majesty
And the purity of fresh island water

We must eat her because she is young
And yet, I think we can all agree
She is the plumpest one here
And also, the least bright
And so the odds that she will make an able soldier of the Lord
Are very, very slim
Much like myself
Whom I think we can all agree
Should be eaten last
Because of my...stringy nature

God has sent us all our survival tools
The boar we caught, killed, and devoured within two days time
The subsequent wisdom to know that we must ration our food from now
The fresh spring that Gertrude currently bathes in
And Gertrude herself
Who we must consume

Now, because I am a man of the cloth
I cannot, in good faith, murder Sister Gertrude
But any one of you can
And I shall guarantee you absolution
Especially if you do it sometime today
As I think we're all getting a little...cranky
From hunger

I'll make my way to the eastern beach
And once the task is done
One of you may come fetch me

I will be meditating
Thanking God
That I'm on this island
With such brave women
Who are willing to do whatever it takes
To survive
Until the ship appears

And when it does
We shall tell them
That a shark got Sister Gertrude

And whomsoever amongst you
Decides to tell that lie

Know that you will have the gratitude
Of a man of God

And although that is not God himself's gratitude
It is something, sister

It is something wonderful