If I Drink, I'll Just Be Him

I mean, I could
But why add
That extra similarity
To the already growing list, you know?

I'm already testy
I already have a temper
I've already broken everything fragile
That's been given to me
And still people ask
Why not drink

Why not, you know?

And I feel like saying--

If I drink
I'll just be him

It's like the one thing
I'm holding out on, you know?

Because right now
I can still point to my breath
And say--See?  It doesn't smell like alcohol, does it?

See, I'm still able to function
And get to work
And do work
And be productive

See, I'm not a lost cause
Yet

And when I see him
I use it
Like it's a cattle prod

See I'm not drunk
See I'm not drunk
See I'm not you

But the rod sort of shorts out
Like the electricity's powering down
Or something

Because the truth is...

It's not enough

It's not enough anymore
To just say
Well, I don't drink
And so he and I
You know
We're different

It's not enough to say there's a difference
Because with the anger
And the frustration
And the fists I feel
Making themselves now
With absolutely no help with me
I just feel like...

Like people say
And I say--

Well, at least I don't drink

But the truth is...

So what, you know?

So what?