Overwhelmed By Produce

The problem is
I'm really just overwhelmed
By the produce

The recipe calls for
This kind of pepper
And that kind of onion
And right away
I can just feel my heart start racing
Because I'm thinking
What if I can't find it?

What if I can't find the correct onion?

Because they must want
The kind of onion they're asking for
Or why would they ask for it
You know?

And this whole
Experience
The anxiety I'm feeling right now
Is sort of indicative
Of my entire life
Because it's like--

I have the recipe
To, you know, do--whatever
But I can't find the ingredients

Like, I know what I need to make
But I can't find the stuff I need
To make it

And I want to make something great, you know?
So I pick these complicated recipes
Because I assume the food
Will turn out to be better
Because of the effort it'll take
To make it

And you know, it's not like I have access
To like, fancy markets or anything
So some of these recipes
That call for, like, goat root
Or something
And I feel like screaming at the recipe
I don't live in Bombay, you asshole recipe
Where the hell am I supposed to get goat root?

But I don't do that
Because I'm in the market
In the specialty foods aisle
And the weirdest thing they have
Is soy sauce
So eventually I just give up
And pick up frozen pizza
And you know
It's not perfect
It's far from perfect

And I made promises to myself
That will, of course, have to be broken
About eating better
And treating myself better
And learning to cook
And finishing what I start
And not freaking out
As soon as things stop going
Exactly the way I need them to go

But...

I'm hungry, you know?

I'm just really
Really
Hungry