Abraham Lincoln in Predator

I do believe this is the first time
I've gone alien hunting

Then again, I suppose the term 'hunting'
Might be a misnomer

Perhaps it is 'they' who are hunting 'us'

Hmmm...

I have considered shaving off my beard before
But until I saw Hawkins get gutted
By that alien soldier
I could never think of a good reason

Now I have one

Mourning for my fellow alien hunter

I will continue to wear my hat, however
As it presents me as a taller man than I am
And may perhaps, scare the aliens
Into thinking that we are a people
With long heads
And long minds

I believe it was eight thousand score
And...five or six years ago
That I was a dead President
Laying interned
Waiting for Heaven
To claim me

When I woke up on a spaceship
Bound for a beautiful jungle planet
I was thrilled to realize that I would be given a second chance at life
Thanks to new reanimation therapy

And I fully intended to instill this jungle planet with democracy
And then run as Supreme Emperor, or President
Depending on the terms we would have for our leaders

Imagine my surprise
When, halfway through construction
Of my Supreme Emperor slash President hut
Half the workers were shot dead
By the alien predator

Normally I would not run at the first sight of adversity
But having been shot in the head before
I can tell you that it is not an enjoyable experience

Now a select few of us must soldier on bravely
Avenge our dead
And reclaim this planet in the name of liberty

And if we die on our quest
I hope the alien dead give whatever parts of bodies they don't consume
A proper and Christian burial

Now, let us go out into that vast jungle
And show these monsters
The face of freedom