Saturday, February 26, 2011

Ben Franklin in "Mrs. Doubtfire"

All right, fine!

I shall admit it

I have been dressing as Lucy Adams
John Adams' long-deceased grandmother
So that I could continue my friendships
With you revolutionists
While still maintaining my relationship with my friends in England

Over there, I'm jolly old Ben
And here, I'm wise Grandma Lucy
Who loves her new country
And her precocious grandchildren even more

John, I guess I've hurt you most of all by doing this
You thought your grandmother was alive and well
When actually, she died of malaria
Ten years ago

Although this wig is made of her actual hair

I spared no expense
When it came to my ruse!

But I couldn't let it go on any further
Hancock, please hold my fraudulent breasts
At my age and weight, I don't really need them
But it helps my pride to think I do

John, I had to stop pretending
Because I can't let you marry Betsy Ross
She doesn't have good intentions
When it comes to the Revolution

Nobody could love this Revolution like I do!

Oh yes, I do enjoy my friends in England
But liberty is my greatest joy!

That's why I threw that teapot at her head

I'm sure when she comes around in a few days
She'll be very cross with me
But I couldn't help myself!

I hope you'll all forgive me

Just remember that I'm still that saucy old grandmother you loved
Just inside my heart, and without the undergarments

Although I will continue to wear the stockings
They do such wonderful things for my legs

When you're ready to accept my apology
I'll be out flying a kite

Don't take too long
It looks like it's about to rain
And I don't want my make-up to run

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