After the New Year

Chuck, Chuck, Chuck--

I told you--

Chuck, I--

I told you--

Chuck, we had this conversation.

Now you know I can't do anything right now about it.

Chuck, I understand the ship is sinking
I understand that
But I just can't do anything about it until after the new year

Chuck, I realize it's February
But we just got through with January
And January starts the new year
And there's just too much stuff going
Associated with the new year
What with everything happening after the holidays
To try and get stuff up and running in February
So technically, we're not even in the new year yet

We probably won't be in the new year until April
And by then I gotta start worrying about summer

Well, can't it wait until April?

How fast do ships sink nowadays?

Chuck, can't you just put some gum in it or something?

Nobody on the entire ship chews gum?

I find that pretty hard to believe, Chuck

Don't kid a kidder, you know what I mean?

We've been friends a long time
I hope you'd understand
That it's a crazy time of year

I know you're probably knee-deep in Atlantic ocean water right now
But I'm knee deep in it too, Chuck--and I'm not talking water, you know?
I'm using a metaphor here
You following me?

What about lifeboats?  Don't you have lifeboats?

Well whose job was it to have them checked?

Ohhh riiight

Chuck, didn't I tell you not to give me any jobs to do during the holidays?

Chuck, you did

I'm sorry, Chuck, but you did

You had me do it in October

Chuck, Halloween is in October
And as soon as you start prepping for Halloween
It's a downward slide right into Christmas

You gotta give me stuff like that to do in August
Early August, before I'm getting the kids ready for school
And after I'm done worrying about cleaning up Fourth of July stuff
You know what I mean, Chuck?

Look, I tell you what
It's Thursday right now
And that means I can't do anything
Because it's almost Friday
And Friday is pretty much the weekend
And you know you can't get anything done on the weekend
And then it'll be Monday and I'll be swimming in stuff that didn't get done over the weekend and--

Well, Chuck, just because stuff doesn't get done over the weekend
Doesn't mean stuff doesn't NEED to get done over the weekend
It just means we can't do it BECAUSE it's the weekend

C'mon man, this isn't your first time dealing with ship customer service, right?
You know how we roll up here, am I right?

Now look, I'll try to get a rescue boat to you by no later than next Wednesday
But--oh wait, wait, wait
Hold the phone, Chuck

Don't go putting on your life preserver just yet

It looks like next Wednesday is an ancient Aztec holiday
And we got a few Aztecians working here
So, I don't know if that's going to work for us, Chuck

Tell you what
Why don't you and the other folks start swimming
And maybe you can make it to shore
Before we send somebody out
And that'll save us all some trouble, huh?

Yeah, I like the sound of that idea

I'm just going to hang up now and pretend I don't hear you swearing at me

Best of luck, Chuck

And have a great new year!