Woe is me
I cannot write this declaration
Of our independence
For I have been left
By the most beautiful girl in the world
And not just any girl
But the girl who played the supremely awesome character
Veronica Mars, in the appropriately titled television program "Veronica Mars"
Sarah Marshall has left me
For Russell Brandt
A Brit, and a dirty one at that
How can this be?
No, no, Hamilton
Please do not try consoling me
For my heart is a pen with no ink
A wig with no powder
A whore with no syphilis
In other words, it is a sad heart
How shall I ever meet another woman
Who can stir my heart so?
Ah yes, Mila Kunis...
A lovely girl...
And such a nice complexion...
But she is no Sarah
Can she solve a crime, churn butter, and unlace a corset at the same time?
Of course she can't
That's the sign
Of a real woman
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