Patty's Parking Spot

Explain to me
What is so hard to understand
About the following set
Of given circumstances

I have worked at Drake and Donovan
For the past six years

For all of those six years
I have parked in front of the bench
Where the old man sits every day
Who points at people walking by
And calls them obscene names

I estimated six years ago
That the old man was about one hundred and seven
And now I've come to the conclusion
That he is never going to die

The parking spot in front of his bench
Is hardly the best spot in the lot

For one thing, I've been called a 'rambunctious slut' by the old man
Every day for the past six years

And, along with that, it's a decent walk into the building
And on cold days, the wind can get a few good knocks in
Before you reach the doors

If you stay late to put in some overtime
And you park in front of the old man's bench
You have to run to your car--in heels
Because there aren't any lights over that particular spot

And, for some reason, every Monday morning
For the past six years
There has been a used prophylactic
Waiting for me in that spot

The old man usually points to it
While he's calling me a slut
As if insinuating that I show up at work on weekends
To have sex with men in my parking spot

Regardless of all this, it is still MY spot

It has been my spot
And it will be my spot
Unless I gather up enough dignity
To leave this horrible job

And nobody seemed to have a problem with that...until today

Today, for some reason, Mr. Drake
You decided that you did not want your cushy spot
Next to the front door

You wanted my spot in front of the bench

Now I could have just parked in your spot
But your spot is not my spot, Mr. Drake
You have a better spot than I have
Because you are a senior partner
And I am not

You don't even know what I do
That's how low on the totem pole I am

Now, I don't know if you just felt like walking a few extra steps today
Or if you wanted to chat up that old man
Or maybe you collect used prophylactics
But either way, Mr. Drake, I'm going to have to ask you
To use your own spot

We all have a place in this world
And in this office
And I know my place
And I'm fine with it
But don't ask me to change horses midstream
And suddenly start parking somewhere else
Even if it IS a better spot

That is my parking spot
And my old man
And my bench
And those are MY CONDOMS
So just stick to where you are, all right, Mr. Drake?

Memo?

No, I don't get memos
Because I'm not important enough to get--

Employee of the Month?

Oh, well, that's very nice
Do I get a day off or--

Your spot?

For the month?

Oh...

Well, that's very nice of you, Mr. Drake
To just...give it up like that

Well, in that case...

Please give the old man my regards