While You're Tied Up

I'm going to Niagra Falls
Or Ptoloosa, Alabama
Not sure which yet
But one or the other

Or both
What the hell
Why not live a little?

Not like I've been living a lot up until now

I'm going somewhere, Gus
And wherever I'm going
It's nowhere you're going to want to go

Because I want someplace with color
And creativity
And cool people
Who don't barbecue every day
Even when it's raining out
Just because there's only three foods they like
And all of 'em are grilled

I've never claimed to be a poet
Or an artist
Or somebody that needs open space and air
And all that stuff

But I am someone who is sick
Of living two blocks from a strip mall
And three blocks from four strip clubs
And nowhere near anything worth looking at

So I'm going, Gus
And by the time you're done untying those knots
I gather I'll be far enough away
That you won't be able to figure
Whether or not I went to Niagra Falls or Alabama
Or Paris, France

If I were you, I wouldn't waste time looking for me

I'd spend every ounce of energy I had
Looking around for somebody dumber than me
To make your second wife

Make sure she doesn't have the gleam in her eye that I do
The one that should have told you
I wasn't going to be happy here forever

Make sure she's good and stupid
And then put a heavier ring on her finger
Than the one you put on mine
Because that one wasn't strong enough
To anchor me here, I'm afraid

Good luck and all
With your bald spot
And your bad toe

Hope those ropes aren't tied to tight

Don't wriggle too much
Or you're liable to yank off the headboard

If I were you, I'd just wait until your mistress comes by tomorrow
When she thinks I'm at work

Give her my regards

I'm taking my memories and my Rumours vinyl
And a map and a photo of my Mom

That's all

My goodness, I should have gagged you while we were married, Gus
This is the nicest you've ever been