Patrick, why do you keep talking so much
About the rights of the oppressed?
Of course the oppressed have rights
But so do I
So do you
So does Miss Charles!
Vera, you tree-hugging lush!
Get the hell off that sofa!
That's an antique
I had one of our guys
Steal that out of the palace!
Patrick, I might have to have your Auntie Vera tortured
I don't want to do it, Patrick
Well, actually that's a lie
I do want to do it
That's why I'm going to do it
Because you can't spend your whole life
Worrying about little things like foreign policy
And proper diplomacy
Life is a banquet
And you gotta make sure
You get to the dessert before everybody else does
Otherwise you'll end up eating sugar cookies
Like a sad fat lady on a diet
When you first came here
I was so happy to have a son...
...That I could send off to military school
And when you came back three weeks ago
I was thrilled that I would finally be able
To share all of my beliefs and values with you
But now you stand before me
Talking about love and peace
And conservation!
For a second I thought you were talking about being a conservative
But then you stuck this 'Save the Badgers' pin on me
And now I'm totally confused
What happened to you at the Houston Inter-Pre-Planning Intel Environment House?
What do you mean a mix-up?
Well, where did I send you?
The Hippie House?
That's impossible, how could I--
Oh no...
I abbreviated, didn't I?
DAMMIT!
Patrick, listen to me
You've been brainwashed
And the only way to fix brainwashing
Is with more brainwashing
I'm just going to have to torture all that love and kindness right out of you
Vera! Get me a burlap sack and a harsh light!
I gotta save my nephew
Don't worry, kid
Uncle Dickie's going to set you right
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