Three Years From Now

Dear Future Me,

Hello.

I hope you're still skinny and that you got that toe thing looked at.

Now onto business.

I need you to defriend Kristen.

I know you're probably friends with her by now, since Kristen can't stand to have anybody be mad at her for longer than two weeks.

You're probably on the best of terms, and it's all very mature.

Well, enough of that shit.

Defriend her.

I'm giving you three years, because I knew that it would take time for you two to settle back into your lives.  For both of you to move on--

By the way, I'm assuming you have a new girlfriend, and if you don't, what the hell are you waiting for?  You need to get one before you defriend her, otherwise the whole 'I've moved on with my life' thing won't make any sense at all.

This way it'll come out of the blue.  And when she notices that you've defriended her, she'll be totally blindsided.

Now, I know what you're going to say:

Why do this three years later?

I really have moved on Past Me!  I don't hate Kristen anymore!

Well who the hell cares if you do?

I DO!!!

Oh sure, time heals everything, you say?

Well I say, revenge is a dish best served cold.

Maybe you don't remember some of the things she said to us, which is why I've noted all of her insults and cruel comments on the next page.  Please review them if you feel the urge to forgive and forget.

Knowing Kristen, she has not apologized for anything she's said.  She's simply waited you out, and now rewrites history so that the entire thing was your fault.

Do NOT let her get away with that.

I am in PAIN, Future Me.

Awful pain.

And the only thing that keeps me going day after day is the knowledge that in three years, you will seek justice for me, Future Me.

So defriend.  Delete.  Destroy.

Remember:  You're not doing it for me, you're doing it for you.

Sincerely,
Yourself