Discussions About the Yogurt

Jessica...

I know we've had
Discussions
About
The Yogurt

But it seems like...

Well, it just seems like
Nothing's getting through to you

The yogurt
Is mine

I buy it
I like it
I need it

It is my yogurt

I don't mind you buying yogurt

If you want to have yogurt in the fridge
My yogurt would be happy
To co-exist with your yogurt

There is plenty of room
For yogurt harmony

But I don't see enough yogurt in the fridge for two people
In fact, I see a rapidly dwindling yogurt population

And yesterday, you ate the Mint Chocolate Chip yogurt

Jessica, that brand is discontinued
They don't even make it anymore

I have been saving that yogurt for a special occasion
Or, until the 'Sell By' date
Whichever comes first

But you went ahead and ate it
So now what am I supposed to do?

I don't mind that you use my towels
I don't mind that you erase the shows I DVR 'by accident'
I don't mind that your ex-boyfriend comes over twice a week
And makes you cry, at which point I have to listen to eight hours
Of you talking about how if he'd just move out of his mom's house everything would be fine

I ADORE ALL OF THAT!

But I cannot, cannot, cannot handle
You eating my yogurt

It is MY yogurt

So please, for the last time
Leave it alone

...Oh, and the soy milk too

And you know what?  The towel thing does kind of bother--

You know what?

I'm moving out