Would you look at all this currency?
And not ONE coin with my face on it
I realize that it is difficult
To insert a coin
Into the brassiere of a dancing woman
But nonetheless
It would be nice to have my face
Be more active in today's economy
I suppose you think I'm going to say
That I'm ashamed of the women
Working in front of me
Yes, you heard me
Working
Working Women
I suppose you think that's the movie I should be in
Working Girl
With Melanie Griffith
The eighties film that convinced women everywhere
That you could have whatever job you wanted
As long as you were wearing red heels
And willing to screw Harrison Ford
Who in their right mind would screw Harrison Ford?
I was and still am a homely woman
And even I wouldn't touch him
No whip cracking or spaceship flying
Can convince me that pound of dough wrapped in a raisin
Is anything worth removing your corset for
I much prefer the women in this movie
Especially Gina Gershon
What a talent that girl is
I bet she would have made a wonderful Senator
If she hadn't done so much lesbian pornography
At least these women are portraying strong women characters
Oh sure, they're portraying them poorly
And overall the film is terrible
But at least they're not standing in the background
While Danny Thomas chews up the screen
That's the sort of acting I'm used to
Oh, I'm sorry
This was supposed to be about me existing in the world of Showgirls
Well, I cannot exist within the world of Showgirls
Not because I wouldn't like to
But because I don't play around in films
I exist in real life
And in real life I'm dead
So until I'm reincarnated
As some sort of amoeba
I'll sit here and have a drink
And admire the fact
That in a piece of pop culture
Camp culture, would you say?
Is that what it's called?
Or a cult classic?
Anyway
It's in the collective consciousness
Women showing their breasts
What could be more empowering?
We spent so many years covering them up
I'm surprised it never occurred to us
That showing them might actually be useful
It's certain been useful to Elizabeth
She's made all this money
And she's asked me to count it
Because her character never finished third grade
So anything beyond the number eight
Is too complicated for her
Poor dear
But I shouldn't feel bad for her
She's in charge of her own destiny
And at the end of this film
She will not die
Right?
Sorry, but I haven't watched the whole thing
I've been having too much fun
At the beginning
I'm sure I'll get around to it one of these days
Now, if you'll excuse me
I'm up next
Here's hoping I see my own face
No comments:
Post a Comment