A Concentration of Time and Space

While you're there
In his arms
Remember
That apart from time
And the way it unfolds
You've always
Been in his arms

You want him to kiss
The top of your head
The way he did
Twelve years ago
When you cut your own hair
And the result was something like
Permanent bedhead
Or what could be construed as an interest
In domestic terrorism

How did he love you back then?
Did he?
Did he really?

You want to ask him
But twelve years from now
You're probably biting your lower lip
On a drive to break up with someone
You should never have been seeing
In the first place

If you stick to that moment
For longer than you should
You're going to find yourself
Out of his arms
And at some other point in your life
That you haven't reached yet

It's dangerous to let somebody hold you
When they haven't done it for awhile

Your body can have a reaction to it
That sends your atoms scrambling
To figure out
When they last felt
This sensation

The hairs on the back of his arm look the same
But the hair on his head is gone
And he's a little wider around the middle

Have you changed
As much as he has?

Twelve years ago
You were wide awake
While he slept
In the middle of a Saturday
When sleeping is something
You sneak in
Back when just being young
Was getting away with something

You think to yourself--

I'm going to marry this man

And twelve years later
You're in the exact same place
Except this time
You know you're not going to marry him
Or probably anybody
Because ships have sailed
And none of those ships
Had you on them

Twelve years after that
You're engaged to someone
But the engagement will be a broken one
Because after twenty-four years
You're still thinking of a man
You met twice
And how he offered
Just the right amount of physical security
And emotional absence

How he kept you on your toes
How he instinctively knew which spot on your neck to kiss
How his hands were just rough enough
In just the right places

At this moment
This particular instance
You're concentrating

You're focusing on every part of him
To see if you can lock it in somewhere
Before fixes a car clock
Or throws away a calendar
Or commits some other offense against time
And you're alone again
Having always been alone
Except for a few hours
On a Saturday afternoon
When a nap was an act of rebellion
And intimacy wasn't a foreign language

You pull his arms around you
As tight as they'll go

Concentrate on his breathing
Concentrate on his breath
Concentrate on him
Being a decade too late
And a decade too soon
And not enough space in this moment
To keep him here

Then go to sleep
Because when you wake up
You won't recognize where you are
Or what time it is
Or what the name was
Of the man
Who kept you on your toes