Promiscuity Underwear

Welcome everybody!

Welcome!

Thank you all for--

Jay, put down the vodka soda

And listen up, buddy

Maybe call it a night, huh?
You got to go to Hong Kong tomorrow

Don’t embarrass me in front of those people

Hahaha but listen, we’re all so excited

To be here tonight

Premiering our new underwear line

Here at Toby Simon

We are on the forefront

Of undergarments

For the American (Usually Gay) Man

And we are psyched about that

We own it

We love it

We’re all about it

And tonight

We’re taking things

To the next level

With our brand new line--

Promiscuity

It’s the underwear

For the (probably gay) man

Who isn’t satisfied

With just one or two

Or twelve

Sexual partners

No, he is casting that net

All over the ocean

And he’s catching

A lot of fish

Most of this underwear

Is made with top quality materials

And we can use those materials

While maximizing profit

Because, frankly, there just much to the, uh

Underwear

Most of them are just, you know

String

Some string

And, uh

The occasional pouch

A lot of them, though

Are pouch optional

If you’d rather just have, you know

The string

There’s some mesh

Obviously

Because we know our

(Mostly gay) customers

Love mesh

But we couldn’t figure out

Where to put the mesh

Without taking away

From the overall

Sexuality of the product

So we’re just including a mesh handkerchief

With every pair of briefs or trunks

In the Promiscuity line

We also know

That our customers

Don’t have a lot of time

To get fancy underwear

On and off

Because most of them

Are putting their underwear on and off

Several times in a night

So we’ve really gotten innovative

And eliminated the holes

For legs

That’s right

We’re the first legless underwear brand

All you had to do

To wear Promiscuity

Is slap it--

Sorry, bad verbage there

--Apply it

To your private regions

And it sticks

Just like velcro

If the other part of the velcro

Was the very sensitive skin

Around your genitalia

As soon as we settle the seven lawsuits

Currently pending

From the test subjects we used

To try out the new line

We are going to hit the market running

And it’s going to be pretty easy to run

When there’s no constrictive undergarments

Holding you back

Promiscuity is here

And it’s here to stay

And we’re fully behind it

Because your underwear should look as risky

As your sexual activity is

...Well?

How’s that for a pitch, am I--

Jesus, Jay

If you’re going to puke

Go in Shelly’s office

She’s on maternity leave anyway
The smell will be gone

By the time she comes back

We can’t do one pitch around here

Without everything

Going to hell