Love in Home Depot

I found love

At the Home Depot

Where they keep

The sinks

I used to do this thing

Where I would go to Home Depot

And look at the sinks

Because I always wanted a nice sink

Like a really nice sink

Because that’s how you know

Someone’s rich, right?
Like, they have a good sink, am I right?

Always a nice sink

In a rich person’s house

So I would go to Home Depot

And, you know, I get it

It’s not the most romantic place in the world

But, you know, then again

It’s one of those places that’s really--

Okay, you’re gonna laugh, but--

It’s really--ugh

It’s evocative

You know?

Like, you walk in,

And you smell that wood

And it’s like--Bam!

Home Depot

So you’re already in this sort of--

Mood

Not, like, you know

The mood for love

Necessarily

But a mood

A mood for something

And I walk to the sinks

And just sort of--look at them

Sometimes I pretend to turn on the water

And one time water actually came out

And I didn’t what the hell that was about

But anyway--

I mean, there was no sign

Or anyth--anyway

Not the point

The point is

I was standing there

Looking at the sinks

In the Home Depot

And this guy walks up to me

And asks me

If I’d like to buy a sink

And I was like--Do you work here?
And he said--No

And I said--...Okay, so you’re just, like, interested?

In whether or not I want to buy...a sink?

And he said--Well, I just notice that you’re here all the time

And, like, now I’m really freaked out

Because I’m, like, oh my god I have a stalker

And also, like, Ugh, what took so long

I’ve been gorgeous forever

But then the guy explains to me

That he’s actually really into fridges

And that he comes to Home Depot everyday

And just--hangs out in the fridge section

Because he really wants to own one of those nice fridges

That has the television set

Like, implanted in it

But he doesn’t have the money

To buy anything like that

Because, honestly, who does?

And I listened to him
And I was like--Fridges?

You love fridges?

Jesus, you’re weird

No, I’m just kidding

I didn’t say that

I mean, I thought it

But I didn’t say it

And then he asked

If I wanted to get coffee

And I was like--Sure

They don’t have coffee at Home Depot

But they really should

Because who knows

How many people are just wandering the aisles

Looking at things they can’t afford

Bumping into each other

And, like, their dreams of owning fine appliances

Just--colliding

We got coffee

And we talked about

How we both want to own a house one day

With all kinds of stuff

Like toasters

And breadmakers

And those machines that make fresh pasta

We talked about having one of those kitchens

Where the pots hang down from the ceiling

And how we both want, like, one morning

To wake up and find out that it’s snowing outside

And that it’s snowing so bad

We can’t go to work
So we call out

And we make coffee

And we sit around in our robes

Just talking

And drinking coffee

And checking our e-mail

And, you know, happy

In our little gorgeous

Rich person kitchen

With the nice sink
And the tv in the fridge

Sometimes, you know, you find love

In the craziest spots

Sometimes you have to go find

What you want

Look around

And see who else

Might want it too

And that’s how you get to love, sometimes

Sometimes it’s just like--Bam

You know?

Bam