Age is Just a Number That Can Get You Arrested

-- When I was writing the CBQ dealing with Liam and Eli last year, I wrote this little rant for Hank that I never ended up using. I tailored it a little bit, and here it is. --

"Age is Just a Number That Can Get You Arrested"

Eli!

Eli, you need to stay AWAY from that boy
That boy is too young for you

Do you want to know
How to tell
When someone's too young for you?

When you're finishing up college
And he's looking for a tux
For senior prom

No, you are NOT going to that senior prom
Seniors belong at senior prom
Seniors in HIGH SCHOOL

And don't think because you're two boys
It's any different

If that boy were a girl
You'd be Eli the Creepy Guy
Who likes little girls

Don't say he's mature for his age
Nobody in high school
Is ever mature for their age

It's just that you're IMMATURE for your age
That's what's going on there

What do you have in common?

You both hate studying for AP Exams
And you both have the same curfew?

Exactly

You see my point

You're right
Age isn't anything but a number
A number that can get you arrested
It's the number you hold up
In your mugshot

Look

Nobody else wants to tell you
That you're riding the pedophile train
So I'm going to have to do it

You are on the underage express
And you need to GET OFF THAT TRAIN

Next stop even
Hop on off

You're attracted to his innocence?

Gee, where have I heard that before?

I think I saw it painted
On the outside of a white van
Hanging near a playground

You see my point?
Do you see it?

Good

...Okay, fine

You can drive him to the mall
To meet his friends

But that's it