Value

They stopped talking to me
When they found out
I sold to Patrick

My parents
They cut me off
Severed all ties

Blamed me for it
For Patrick
For his problems

They didn't thank me
For giving him shit that's safe
That isn't laced
With shit that's gonna kill him

They didn't apologize to me
For him breaking into my apartment
Going through my things
Breaking my trophies
From when I played football

They didn't say 'Sorry'

They acted like
He wasn't going to get the shit
If I didn't sell it to him

Oh, yeah

That was what they had the problem with
Don't let me forget to mention that

They were mad
Because I SOLD it to him

Because giving him drugs
Well, that they couldn't bitch me out for
That wouldn't get me kicked out of the house
Because, let's face it
Ma keeps refilling her prescriptions
For back pain she hasn't had in years
And you know why

Because it's as close as she can come
To buying him drugs
Without feeling like a textbook enabler

And she forgot to get the refill
And then he went and broke into my place
And when I found him there
He was licking chewing gum dust
Off a fucking silver wrapper
That he found in my garbage

Fuckin junkie

So I sold him some shit
Because he tried to steal
He tried to steal from me
His brother

He needed to learn about value
That things have value
That my shit has value
That actions have consequences
And that even those consequences have value

I live my life
According to values

And guess who taught me that?

The two people
Who kicked me out of the house
For teaching my little brother
A lesson
About values

They can stock up their cabinets
But that doesn't teach him shit

When I busted him for the last twenty
He had in his pocket
I knew he was going to have one last hit
And then go get himself clean

Or he was going to die

Both of those things
Have value

Life can have a value
But so can death
And so can twenty bucks
And so can a hit
And so can a baby brother

But a junkie

HAS-NO-VALUE

What my mother and father taught me
And the promptly forgot
Was that when a person loses their value
The only way to help them
Is to take them all the way back down to zero

Because it's a lot easier
To climb up from zero
Than from anywhere else

So I took my brother's last twenty bucks
And I gave him his bit
And then I threw him out

Reset him back to zero

He didn't have the money
To buy any more
And the shit he had was safe

So I did him a favor

And when he didn't come home
My parents called
And they asked what happened

And I told them

I told them I sold to Patrick

And that was it

. . . . .

They didn't let me go
When--

To the wake

They didn't let me go

They blamed me for it

Called me a cheap dealer
Said I was so greedy
I sold to my own brother

But it wasn't about greed
It wasn't about the money

It was all about value

I had to take his value from him
So he could see

So he could see
How far he was
From the sixteen-year-old kid
That was my brother

And I guess in some ways
I rolled the dice

I hope he'd see

And he didn't

So he stayed at zero

I gambled, you know?

It was a gamble

That's the thing about value
The difference between that
And money

Money you can hold
You can look at it
You can smell it
You can rip it up

But value's like faith

You never really feel it
Until it's gone