Aunt Lucy's Chair

Let's get a few things straight

This here is MY money
Myyyyyyyyyyyy money
And none of y'all
Are gettin' it

This ain't no family money

So you can just sit yourself down
And eat some cheerios
Because the only one
Who's getting anything out of me
Is Old Aunt Lucy

I'm gonna buy her a new wheelchair
Y'all keep her on that Lazy Susan
And now there's no room for mustard on the table
And I like mustard
So I'm buying her a wheelchair

Don't call me greedy!

I told you I had the winning numbers
I told you, I told you, I tooooooooold you

8 - The number of times Uncle Ty got arrested last year
5 - The number of stray cats Mama's taken in
9 - The number of times I was fired from KFC last month
3 - The number of fake ID's I keep in my wallet
7 - That's just a lucky number, but y'all probably don't know that, because y'all are stupid

I went and invested my money in that lottery ticket
Like a good entrepreneur
While y'all were throwing it in the collection plate
At the church

Don't y'all read the Bible?
Jesus don't want your money
Jesus didn't like money
Remember when he went to that mall
And got all pissed off
Because everybody was shopping on Christmas?

Y'all don't know nothin'

And now you want me
To go dishin' out my money to you

Why?

So y'all can spend it on stupid shit?

This money was acquired through smart endeavor
And it's goin' to be used smartly
To get me even more money

I'm goin' to use this to start that frog farm
Right off the highway

Because people love frogs
And people love farms
And I'll sell toaster ovens too
Just cause I feel like it

And none of y'all are comin' to my farm
Because you'd disturb the frogs
With your nasty faces
And your nasty attitudes
And I don't need my amphibidibs compromised

And that's where my lotto money's going

It's all going back to me

Alllllllll tooooo me
And Aunt Lucy's Chair

...Soon as I get my first check next week

Until then
Just keep telling her she's on a merry-go-round

Yeah, she likes that