Sunday, February 28, 2010

A Hypochondriac in Heaven

The doctor told me
That I was going to die

He told me I had minutes
Maybe seconds
And that I would spend
These last few seconds of my life
Listening to what's wrong with me

That bump on my head
Is a tumor

Never mind that I hit my head
And THEN the bump appeared
That was just a coincidence

That bump is a big, fat tumor
That's practically bursting through my head

Remember when I forgot my keys the other day?

That WASN'T because of the tumor
That was because of the dementia
That's settling in

Just like I thought

And I DON'T need new glasses
I AM going blind in my right eye

It was confirmed

My nose is itchy
Because it's going to fall off

That rash on my leg?

Cancer

That discoloration on my arm?

Cancer

That weird growth
On the side of my foot?

Ebola

I have over eighty-seven diseases
Some of them tropical

The doctor said it doesn't matter
That I've never left the house

He says you can still catch malaria
Just from hearing about it
From the television

He told me that right before I die
My entire body will fall apart
Like a poorly constructed
Jenga tower

And how did I feel?

Relieved
So relieved

It was...

Heaven

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