It's Just a Job

It's just a job
But it's not mine anymore

It's like when you're a teenager
And some girl breaks your heart
And your dad says--

'Forget her, kid. She's just a girl. There'll be other girls.'

Yeah, there will be
But she was my girl

And that was my job

And now it's the job
Of some guy
Half my age

Who, as I was cleaning out my office
Asked me if the boss is--

'Cool with us being on Facebook
During work hours.'

This is who will sit at my desk
This is who will look out my window
This is who will stand at my water cooler
Making water cooler conversation

This was my job
And it's just a job
But it was mine

I was laid off
Because Facebook Boy
Can be paid less than I am
And doesn't need health benefits
Because he's young and invincible

He can also make super cool multimedia presentations
AND he speaks Dutch

The Dutch isn't necessary
But I'm told it's what pushed him over the edge

Actually

I guess I'm the one
That got pushed over the edge

I came home after going to a movie theater
And watching some bad action film
Four times in a row

I wanted to let myself go to a mindless place

After forcing myself to stay intelligent
And hard-working
For thirty years

It was hard for me to accept
That I could finally allow my brain
To melt into the rest of my body

I was now allowed to be an idiot

Oh, happy day

I walked through the front door
And my wife, my incomprehensibly wonderful wife
Said to me--

'I could always go back to being a waitress'

I said--

'Karen, you haven't been a waitress since college.'

And she replied--

'Is there a new way of doing it now?'

I adore this woman
She's still my woman
Something amazing in this world
Can still be claimed by me

I went upstairs to fall asleep

I wanted to go to bed
And wake up
When human beings no longer work
But are simply handed money
And told to find happiness

I wanted to go back in time
And become an artist
Living in Tahiti
Whose only worry
Would be which tree
The next coconut was falling off of

I wanted the math
To stop calculating
Inside my head

Mia's college tuition
The car I promised Jake for his birthday
Sarah's horse riding lessons
The new dog collar for Snickers

Which of these would have to be sacrificed?

Clearly not the dog collar
Snickers was being ridiculed throughout the neighborhood
On a daily basis

. . . . .

It's just a job

But it paid the bills
But it was a place to go
But it was an identity
But it was a source of pride
But it was my entire life

Gone
Gone
Gone

. . . . .

Sarah came into the bedroom
Was I was staring at the ceiling
Wondering if we could really make it to summer
Without having to get a new roof put on the house

Sarah, my daughter, sat on the edge of the bed
And said, with a firm resolve

'I am giving up horseback riding'

She added--

'For now'

I didn't have the heart to tell her
That horseback riding was gone
The second my boss gave me the bad news

Right now I was debating
Whether or not
She could keep going
To the private school
She loves so much

Instead I just said--

'I'm so sorry, honey'

She asked why
And I spoke the truth
I said--

'I screwed up. I lost my job.'

I hadn't said it up until then

I'd said everything else

That I'd been 'let go'
That I could 'explore new options'
That it was 'decided I should retire early'
That there was an 'internal change in the company'

But I never said the word 'lost'
Until then

Sarah lay down next to me
And put her head on my chest
Just like she did
When she was seven
And she'd have a bad dream
And crawl into bed
And her dad--her big, brave dad
Made her feel secure
And helped her fall back to sleep

Now I was in the nightmare
Now I didn't feel so big and brave
Now I wasn't sure I could protect even myself
Let alone her or the rest of my family

But then she said--

'Dad, it's just a job.'

And for good measure, she added--

'It was a really lame job. You hated it, remember?'

And I did remember

And I remembered that I'm still healthy
And I remembered that my age isn't what my age used to be
And I remembered that I'm a fighter

And I remembered that Mia wanted to go backpacking in Europe
For a whole year before she started college anyway

And I remembered that letting Jake in a car before the age of thirty
Would probably be a bad idea

And I remembered that Snickers
Is kind of a bitch

And I remembered how cute my wife looked
In that waitress outfit

And how the first year we were married
And living in this house
Our roof leaked constantly
And we laughed as we ran around the living room
Putting pots and pans down everywhere
Trying to catch the leaks

We didn't have money back then
We only had optimism

That was a good year

I hugged my daughter
And got up out of bed
And decided there was still time
To plan a trip to Tahiti

But first I was going to have to figure out
How to keep everybody afloat

Because that's my job
Because I'm a father and a husband

Because that's the only thing
I've ever really wanted to be