Monday, February 15, 2010

If He Doesn't Work Designer

If he doesn't work designer
You do not date him
You do NOT date him
Never, are you kidding?
Are you kidding me?

No, no, no, no, no
No, no, no, no, no
No, no, no, no, no

Where does he work?

The bookstore?

The...BOOK...store?

Can you explain that to me?

Um, yeah
I'm aware
That they sell
BOOKS
There

I'm not retarded
Okay?

Stephen, do we not work at the mall?
Are there not entire floors of designer stores
At which you could peruse
And pick up
A perfectly cool guy
Who can expand both your horizons
And your discount options?

Were you just hankering for a discount
On the complete works of Steinway?

I'm so confused
I'm so perped, you know?

Of course you don't know

Everybody knows this, Stephen
EVERYbody knows
You date designer

You STRICTLY date designer

And weren't you totally in love
With Bixby?

Was I just imagining that?

Substance
You want substance?

What does that even mean?

Ugh
This should have been a ten-second conversation
And it's spiraled into
An epic nowhere nosh fest

I'm done with it

If he doesn't work designer
And you're dating him
Then you can chill at his BOOKSTORE
Drink espresso
Read
Whatever

It's done

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