Spinning the Season

-- I'm fascinated by people in marketing. The idea that it's someone's job to bullshit to people who know they're being bullshitted is just astounding to me. Nowhere does it seem to be more prevalent than in the theater. So I thought I'd take one of those spin-masters and have them tell the truth for once. Let's see what happens. --

"Spinning the Season"

MESSAGE FROM SUBSCRIBERGUY85

What made you decide to open your season with 'The Sound of Music?'

RESPONSE FROM NADIA TICKER, MARKETING

The Seattle Acting Group felt that there was no better show to open our sixty-third season with than a classic like 'The Sound of Music.'

Oh, who am I kidding?

We're doing 'The Sound of Music' because even though it's a sappy, overdone milquetoast musical--old people like it, and old people spend money.

Plus, if we double cast all the kids, their stage parents will spend thousands on tickets for everybody from their dentists to their rabbis.

So everybody wins--except the people in our audience who actually enjoy art, but hey, since when have we ever been concerned about them?

MESSAGE FROM THEATREGAL22

I loved Theresa Diegle in 'Faulty Wiring.' Will she be returning for any other shows this season?

RESPONSE FROM NADIA

Unfortunately, she will not be returning, mostly because our resident actresses are a group of back-stabbing shrews who protect their right to turn into 50% performances by making sure nobody good ever gets inside the theater.

Poor Theresa may have made it past the front door, but believe me, as soon as 'Faulty Wiring' closed, they practically drove her out with torches.

MESSAGE FROM ACTAMAN191

I'm so thrilled to see that you're doing Oedipus Rex! What made you decide to take on this classic piece of theater?

RESPONSE FROM NADIA

The keyword here would be: Classic. Classic = Taught in Schools = School Field Trips = Group Sales = Selling Our Souls to Sixth Graders at 10am to Make an Extra Buck

MESSAGE FROM 2MASKS2DIFFERENT

Bernard Buckley as Brick in 'Cat on a Hot Tin Roof' is an interesting bit of casting. Could you explain how Bernard ended up with the role?

RESPONSE FROM NADIA

1) Hard Work

2) Talent

3) F**king the Artistic Director and Bitching Until He Gets Everything He Wants Including Roles He Has No Business Playing

One of those is accurate.

You figure out which.

MESSAGE FROM STAGETIME979

'Lend Me a Tenor' seems to be a rather light offering from a serious theater such as yours. I know the Artistic Director has said that you'll be examining the play in a new light. Could you elaborate on that?

RESPONSE FROM NADIA

Yes, I'll elaborate. The new light we'll be examining the play through will be the light reflecting off the buckets of shiny green money we plan on making on this horrible show.

Nowadays no theater with more than forty seats in it can afford to do anything that doesn't involve tap dancing, slapstick comedy, or both--so don't expect to be seeing any serious offerings from us that haven't been turned into Meryl Streep movies.

MESSAGE FROM SPRINGERSPANMAN

Your last show is a new play by a new author that seems to discuss relevant political issues. Good for you for championing edgy and provocative work.

RESPONSE FROM NADIA

We have no f**king clue how that got on our season. Even the Artistic Director hasn't read it. I hear that halfway through the show a giant mushroom is lowered onto the stage and dwarves hop out of it.

Try designing a poster for that, Springer.

What the hell does that name mean anyway?

MESSAGE FROM DIONYSUS

Do you like your job?

RESPONSE FROM NADIA

No Comment.