There's Always a Mirror

I watched you eat

I watched you eat

And kept track

And kept an eye on you

And made sure

That you ate

And they told me

That you were hiding food

In your socks

In your folded up clothes

Underneath your mattress

I said this was something

I could handle

That I could beat this

And now I feel like

You must have thought

I was trying to beat you

That the war was with you

And not with the disease

In some ways

It feels like a possession

Like this demon got inside you

And I beat the girl

But not the demon

The demon just moved on

To some other parent's kid

I took out all the mirrors

I remember that

Taking them down

I felt like...

If I couldn't convince you

That you weren't overweight

Then instead I was just going to

Remove all the mirrors

I couldn't fix the problem

Because it wasn't physical

I'm not good with internal stuff

That's your mother's job

She's the shrink

I builds houses

You knew that

You knew I wouldn't know what to do

So I took down the mirrors

And I forced you to eat

And I thought that was it

I thought I took care of it

But there's always a mirror

I never noticed that before...

But there is

There's always a mirror

Every time we'd go somewhere with you

I'd see one

It was like a constant reminder

That this was something

I couldn't control

I used to want to carry

A hammer around with me

And smash the damn things

Every time we walked past one

It was like keeping you away from some boy

No, it was like...

Keeping you away from yourself

That's what it felt like I was trying to do

. . . . .

You can't imagine

How disgusted at myself I was

When they called me

I was at work

I was always at work

And your Mom called

And I was surprised

Why was I surprised?

Why, when nobody else was?

You were so small

You should have seen yourself

So small, so tiny

This little girl

And I wanted to hold you

And I couldn't hold you

Your uncle and your grandpa held me back

And I remember going by this mirror

In your bedroom

On the back of your door

When did you put that up?

Where did that come from?

I remember yelling

Asking

Where that mirror came from

It was like it was laughing at me

I swear I heard somebody

Laughing at me

. . . . .

Now I walk by mirrors

And I see nothing

It's like I'm a vampire

My vengeance for you

Is the removal of my own reflection

I don't see myself at all

I don't want to

I pretend that I'm walking by a picture

A picture with nothing in it

But an absence

Because that's close

That's the closest thing to me

Anybody's going to get