Me?
Well...
I like taking over
Small third-world countries
And baking
I'm a big baker
Last week I had my evil scientist
Create a chemical
That could turn ocean water
Into grape Kool-Aid
That was meant to be a bad thing
But apparently marine life
Thrives in grape Kool-Aid
So yeah, that was a misstep
. . . . .
Do you like to play squash?
I have a court in my lair
We could go back there
After the date
I could show you my koala bear
No, please
Don't go!
It's an ACTUAL koala bear
His name is John Tesh
Do you like animals?
(Thank you for sitting back down)
Well...I wouldn't say John Tesh is...friendly
When he's in a good mood...
He hasn't bitten anyone yet this week
So I'm sure he'd let you come near him
As long as you didn't make eye contact
. . . . .
You know, you looked more evil in your photo
. . . . .
Three word to describe myself?
Genocide
Cuddly
Swivel
. . . . .
...And that was the last time
I ever went to Borneo
Once you've incited one indigenous coup
There's really no point
Going back
. . . . .
You know, I gotta say
I was really doubting those Match.com commercials
But this is going really well
. . . . .
So...
Would you like to see my Death Ray?
Please! Sit down!
It's a real Death Ray!
I just got it updated
Now it can squirt
Hot gelatin!
...Okay, even I'll admit that didn't sound right
Fine! Leave me then!
I scheduled another date
An hour from now anyway
Her name is Elena
And she's from Russia
Her likes include fracturing arms
And hunting down C.I.A. operatives
She sounds like a dream come true
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