To have you back
So, so, so, so happy
After the plane crash
When they pronounced you dead
It felt like our entire family
Was going to be torn apart
...Then we got the insurance money...
And Dad, it was...
Well, I mean you know
You had a REALLY good plan
Plus the money from the airlines
The...
Well, some may use the term
'Hush' money
We called it 'Grieving Money'
And let me tell you
We had a great time
Spending that grieving money
We grieved all over the place
Then after a year
We get a phone call
Telling us
That you've been found
On a deserted island
In the North Pacific
Imagine our surprise
Of course, we were thrilled
We had our father back
Yay!
But the thing is--
The insurance company wanted the money back
And, so did the airlines
Plus we wouldn't be getting the monthly checks
They'd been sending us
To shut us--
I mean, to make sure
We could mourn in dignity
And in really nice clothing
Black clothing, of course
And the thing is, Dad
We learned to move on with our lives
And we got used to not having you around...
And we also got REALLY fond
Of that money
So we were wondering...
Is there any chance you could...
Perhaps...
Fake your own death?
Nothing too elaborate
Another plane crash
Or...a failed parachute
I don't know how you'd fake that
But I'm sure you'd figure out a way
We still love having you back
But we don't need you back ALL THE TIME
But the money, Dad
That would be really hard to part with
After all
In a lot of ways
We're still grieving
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