Mrs. Brugel's Valentine

Kiiiiiiiidsssssssss

Now you know Mrs. Brugel
Does NOT like to talk about her personal life
Until Friday
When she can properly
Summarize the week

Summarize--I believe that was a vocabulary word last week

Sara--Stop slapping yourself
The voices in your head
Are just your meds wearing off
And that means it's almost the end of the day
So just hang in there

Today is a special day
Today you're getting a glimpse
Into your third grade teacher's special adult world
ON A WEDNESDAY
Because something exciting has happened...

Mrs. Brugel has gotten herself
A Valentine's Day Date!

Now, please, don't jump out of your seats and scream

Okay, maybe you can
I'll tell Mr. Nobidobi next door
That there was a spider running around
The poor man is from Indonesia
He won't know what I'm saying anyway

Something tells me the only thing his fourth graders are learning
Is how to make chopsticks and dry clean a sweater

ANYWAY

Back to my date!

This is where Mrs. Brugel has to stop using pronouns
So that she doesn't get fired
By the discriminatory bigots
On the school committee

God, Mr. Nobidobi's room
Smells like chop suey
And it's wafting over here

What is he doing in there?

ANYWAY

My date--no pronouns

Well, this PERSON is very kind
And very...maternal
And very...feminine
And has...

Spectacular...

Breasts

Nick, put your hand down
I know you know what I'm talking about
But this isn't about guessing genders

We play Guess the Gender before recess, remember?

I brought in those photos
Of those European models

Sara, give Nick some of whatever you take
Next time you get a refill
His short-term memory is failing him

ANYWAY

My Valentine's Day will be spent
At this very special person's home
Where we will take in an Iron Chef marathon
And then give in to our innermost desires

Did I remind you children
To cover your ears for that last part?

Oops, taps on my nose
For naughtiness

I plan on it being an amazing holiday
For the first time in eons

Eons, children, means Mrs. Brugel
Hasn't had carnal pleasure
In years

And carnal
Means pleasure
With someone
Who doesn't sneak out the next day
Leaving you only a note that says

'Please forget this ever happened'

I can't wait for this weekend!

As soon as this person's daughter is knocked out
On her sleep medication

Uh, Sara, cover your ears for this part

. . . . .

As soon as that happens
I will finally know
True Valentine's Day bliss!

Yay!!!

Now, who wants to color
Before the bell rings?