And I am Valerie Westgate
And you must be my new housekeeper
Please, have a seat
Don't sit on the chaise
That's Fritz's seat
And if he sees you in it
There's no telling what he'll do
Frightened?
Don't be
He's a pussycat
I mean, he's not an actual pussycat
He's a giant rabbit
That I've seen eat watermelons whole
But he has a decent temperament
...For people he likes...
Does he look like he likes you?
Hang on, I'll ask him
. . . . .
He says your eyes are made of cinnamon
And evil spirits
But he could learn to love you
If he was forced to
But I don't force my bunny
To love anyone
DON'T TOUCH THAT!
It's Fritz's First Place prize
For Top Bunny
At the Bunny Fair
I throw every year
He always wins
Because he kills the competition
Using arsenic laced carrots
Fritz can smell terror
That's how he found the cat
Hiding underneath our floor
That poor cat...
It was inhuman what Fritz did to it
I say inhuman
Because neither Fritz
Nor the cat
Was, in fact, human
Would you like some lemonade?
Hahaha I'm kidding
I don't have lemonade
I don't believe in it
What is it after all?
But squeezed citrus?
Fritz likes mango juice
Are you prepared to make him mango juice?
That'll be part of your responsibilities
As housekeeper
Fritz has his own Facebook page
And he has more fans
Than Cameron Diaz
Isn't that something?
DON'T LOOK AT HIM!
He'll steal your soul
I've seen him do it
Don't EVER look at him!
. . . . .
So...
You're hired
When can you start?
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