Casting God

I don't want to go typical
I don't want an old man
Soon as you see an old man
White beard
You think

God

Wellllllllllll, I'm not casting that way
That's not what I'm looking for

I was thinking maybe a small Indian boy
People LOVED Slumbdog Millionaire
Indians are really big right now

Indians
India
Those little forehead dots
Curry
Slums

All really big

But then someone pointed out
That the Indians have, uh, a million gods
So an Indian god would be just one of many
And that's too confusing for me

Then I was going to cast a talking cat
Because talking animals are big right now
They're HUGE; every animal in Hollywood right now
Has to be able to talk

I just saw a script come across my desk
For a remake of The English Patient
Staring talking British Bulldogs

That shit's record-breaking, baby
Opening weekend GROSS
Over twenty

But I couldn't think of what animal
Would best represent God
And then I figured out that it would be a British bulldog
But they're all off in Morocco
Doing pre-production of The English Patient remake
So I was S.O.L.

Finally, it hit me

Lacey Chabert

Bland
Has-Been
Like Jennifer Love-Hewitt
Only less successful

I had my God

Then I had to worry about casting Jesus
And that's when things got a little bit...

Political