God in New York

I get the paella
When I'm here
It's amazing

Best paella in the world
And I should know

Joke, joke, joke

But it is
The best

I'm here for Dustin's graduation
He's this kid
I've known him since he was born

He was premature
Four pounds
Didn't know if he was going to make it

So I kind of...

Well, I'm not supposed to do that
I guess I can do whatever I want
But I don't like to give anybody any more help
Than anyone else

But I did

I gave him a little...

Extra help

And he made it

Then when he was eight
His Dad died
Cardiac arrest

He was thirty-four years old

I was...

It wasn't a good day

Then, when Dustin was twelve
His Mom got cancer
And after eighteen months
She was gone

He went to live with his aunt
His Mom's sister
Who's a really great woman
But...

One second

Sorry, I thought I heard something
I'm always hearing things
It's distracting
But I've learned to know when to listen
And when it's just noise

Anyway, uh--

Dustin ended up turning out great
He did very well in high school
And got into Fordham

Today--he is graduating

And I wanted to be here

I love New York
At this time of year

It's warm
It's exciting

Today I shared a cab with a woman
Who was having an affair
With her acupuncturist

She discussed it with me
At length

I meant to discourage her
But her husband
Is an absolute jerk

They say no man shall tear assunder
Who I have joined
But trust me
A priest may have joined that man with that woman
But I certainly had nothing to do with it

Now, Dustin...

I guess there have been a few times
Since he was born
When he got that extra...

Help

It feels like every time
I turn my attention elsewhere
Something bad happens to him

And there have been times
When I wonder if it's my fault
If me not keeping an eye on him
Is why bad things happen to him

I could say that's not how it works
But to be honest
I have no idea how it works

I only know how to help

So with Dustin...

I helped

I never gave him the answers to a pop quiz
But...

I may have made sure
That the guy looking over his application to Fordham
Was in a really, really good mood

I may have made sure
That immediately after his first college girlfriend broke up with him
She broke out into hives

Some might say...

...A plague of hives

I may have given him a few more sunny days
Than New York was supposed to have that February

I may have done a few things
I shouldn't have done

But you know...

They're just sunny days

Dustin wasn't the only one
Who benefitted from them

I can't imagine how a sunny day
Could ruin anyone's plans

. . . . .

He thanked me today

He got dressed
He brushed his teeth
He put on his cap and gown

And he thanked me

For helping him get this far

And I really didn't do that much

I guess...

I didn't...

I wasn't there
When his Dad died

There was this--

This earthquake in Nicaragua
And all these people were in pain
And I had to be there

And when I came back
His Dad was already gone

And I don't know
What I could have done
If I had been there

But maybe something?

You know?

Maybe something

And then with his Mom...

The poor kid, you know?

It was just so unfair
And his aunt blamed me
And I blamed myself
And Dustin just kept smiling
Smiling because he didn't want to upset anyone

And I wanted him to get mad at me
I really, really wanted him to get mad at me
Because I deserve it

Because I made all that is
And all that will ever be
And I really fucked up
In a lot of places

There are days
Where I have done
A really shitty job
And it is really evident

But today he said thank you

How did that happen?

So I came
Today
To New York

Which is nice

I've had some wine
Maybe a lot of wine
It's really good wine
After all

I've seen a show
A big splashy show

I went out last night
To this really dreadful bar
And got hit on

By a girl
Named Lala
Who will one day
Come up with a treatment
That would have saved
Dustin's mother

By then she will go back to her given name
Of Beth

Thankfully

Now time for a good old-fashioned graduation

I'm going to cry

I cry so much
It's embarrassing

At the littlest things

During big times of crises
I pull it together
Because everyone else has to cry
I don't really HAVE to cry

But in those little moments
When nobody's crying
I really tend to fall apart

When I see Dustin get that diploma
It's going to rain
It's really going to rain

I'll wait, obviously
Until tomorrow

I don't want to rain on his graduation

I'll wait until there's a parade

Joking, joking, joking

. . . . .

I used to talk to people
Now, I don't really
I don't

Not because I don't want to
But because...

If you talk, there are questions
Back in the old days
Nobody questioned

And if they did, you smote them

Well, I'm sort of past smoting now
I realized that was counter-productive

But I also stopped talking
I stopped...conversing

Because I still don't have the answers
To the questions they ask

And when they say 'Thank you'

I feel strange

I don't always feel
Like I should be thanked

Sometimes I feel...unworthy
Of gratitude

But today I look at Dustin
And I think of that little push
That little push I gave him
When he was four pounds
And nobody thought he was going to make it

And I look ahead
And I see all the great things he's going to do
And I'm glad I gave him the push

And if he, in some way
Feels that I'm the reason
He is where he is
Then I'm glad

I should get the check
I don't want to be late

Do you want to hear a secret?

I'm constantly late

That might explain a lot, I suppose

Do you want to hear another secret?

Sometimes when someone thanks me
When one of you thanks me, perhaps

Sometimes...

I say 'thank you' back

And it's not something you hear

It's just a sunny day
That's how you know
I'm thankful

Now if you'll excuse me
I gotta go see my kid graduate

It looks like it's going to be a really beautiful day