Mrs. Brugel's New Year

I, Mrs. Brugel, have decided to make the following changes in the upcoming year.

1) I will no longer be attending Amateur Night at Paulie's Poetry Hut. I refuse to share my art with people who do not understand the intricate science behind writing a powerful sestina. If one more person asks me why I keep using the same words in my poems over and over again, I'm liable to serve them a very choice limerick.

2) I will expose my third graders to the great minds of the twentieth century. This year will be the year I show the school board that children do not simply need multiplication tables and verb predicates. They also need to read Sylvia Plath and listen to Melissa Etheridge. They need to understand art, and love, and passion, and civil unrest, and double negatives. That's right--fourth grade curriculums be damned! I will teach double negatives in THIRD GRADE! I'm sick of hearing little Theresa Montgomery tell her Stan Fanley that she 'doesn't never get to wear her midriff to school because her mom sucks.' 'Doesn't' 'never' is like a knife to my soul. Well, no more! This will be the year of Gloria Steinem and singular negativity!

3) I will lose twelve and a half pounds before my high school reunion.

4) I will confront my mother regarding our scarred relationship. Since she is dead (dead to me, emotionally--refusing to return my calls or acknowledge that I was born), I will have to do this using a puppet with a photo of her that I've constructed. Well...technically I didn't construct it; I held a contest in my class to see which kid could make the best Mrs. Brugel's Mother Puppet. I handed out photos of my mother to all the children, and--as expected--several of them started crying instantaneously, thereby proving that even photos of her give off bad vibes. Stan did the best puppet, probably because he chose to have his put up one judgmental finger--pointing straight at whomever is holding it. Then again, considering the finger--Either way, I'm looking forward to this confrontation. I've put the puppet in a box in my closet until then. I'll take it out and talk to it Tuesday night during NCIS which is usually when I feel most comfortable. It'll destroy me to have to do this, but I must if I'm to grow as a person. Afterward, I plan on lighting the puppet on fire in my backyard then burying it next to my last tropical fish, Bonzo.

5) I will continue to be a more loving, caring, and understanding person.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Brugel

Bonus Resolution: I will fight with all that is within me to get the Assault Charge dropped since that older gentlemen had no business being in the 10 Items or Less lane in the first place.