The College Tour Guide

Okay, so over here
Is where we strip down the freshman
Blindfold them
And make them find their way back
To the dorms

Oh and that's a bench
With a plaque
Dedicated to some old dead bitch
Named Ida

That's the library

If you go to the third floor history room
You can usually hook up with someone
You know, because they shove seven of us in a room
So you can never hook up in your room
Which sucks so hard

0kay, this is the Travers Building
Where the psych students get high
Then play mind games with each other

Next to that is Paulson Green
But we call it Last Night Lawn
Because that's where you usually wake up
When you're not sure what you did last night

That's Fraidley Hall
If you want to lose eight pounds go there
Because once you eat there
You wind up in the bathroom
For four days

I ate a pork chop there once
And I missed half a semester
And my kidney failed

That's the School for Education
Or the Bermuda Triangle
Since nobody can ever get an Education degree from here
In less than twelve years

Finally, we have the One-a-Day Parking Lot
Where one car gets vandalized a day

Sometimes we drive by
And take bets
Over which car
Is going to get its windshield smashed in

It's a lot of fun

That's pretty much all we do
Oh, and class
Sometimes we go to class

I'm not really sure where 'class' happens
Because I haven't really had time to go
Because I've been playing an epic game of freeze tag
For the past two years
But I'm sure there are classes all over the place

...Somewhere

So...

What other schools are you considering?