Tony Hooper's Lemonade Stand

This is my lemonade stand
Allow me to introduce you
To my wares

First of all, This is raspberry lemonade
I sell it for more than the regular lemonade
Because it tastes like raspberries
And you get a gift with purchase

The GWP is an autographed photo of me
In my school play
The school edition of 'The Bell Jar'

I played Ted Hughes
And my teacher Mrs. Brugel
Said I did really well
At playing conflicted

Which I think means
I did a good job
At shaking my head a lot
And looking sad

That's my first of all

Second of all, I raised the price on my lemonade
Because last year when I sold it for ten cents a cup
We were in a much different economic primate

For those of you not familiar with economics
A primate is when your Dad won't take you to Storyland
Like he was supposed to
Because his company is making cutbacks
And he wants to make sure he can keep making the payments
On his gas-guzzling environment destroyer

When you have a good primate
Your Dad can keep his promises
And your mom can still walk by DKNY
Without bursting into tears

That's my second of all

Triple time love tag is (My cousin Scott taught me that)

My triple time love tag is that I'm not selling lemonade to Fat Pants
I don't need his kind of business

He likes to hang around my stand for hours
And he only buys one cup of lemonade

Plus he keeps asking me
If I have free wireless

I tell him that nothing's free in life
And I like wires
So why doesn't he just go away?

But then he buys one of my Mom's cookies
So I have to let him stay for another hour

I don't get to keep any of Mom's cookie money
That all goes back to her 'I Need a New Marc Jacobs Bag' fund

I really shouldn't be selling Fat Pants cookies
Because it's only contributing to the childhood obesity epidemic
But my materialistic nature trumps concern for my fellow man

Plus, the cookies will make him thirsty
So he'll have to buy more lemonade

I'm a pretty nude businessman, I have to say

Well, I gotta go now
I have to film a commercial for my stand

Things haven't really been going well
So we're going to have a fire sale

That way I can collect on the insurance