You Ain't Leavin' With My Kid

Brady, why don't go home?

Why don't you go home
And sober up
And shut up
And think about
How foolish your life has become?

Because you ain't gettin' what you came for
Because you ain't leavin' with my kid

Matt's asleep
And he's got school tomorrow
And even if he didn't
I sure ain't letting him go anywhere
With a drunk
At two am
And I don't care if half of him is
Biologically connected to you

Now if you'd like a souvenir of tonight
I can give you one of the many belongings
You still have hanging out here
Hoping maybe one day
You're going to work your way back into this house

I'd be happy to erase that thought from your memory
By giving you back some of your things

Your beer mugs
Your broken television
Your collection of pens
With naked women on the inside of 'em

You can have all of it
All packed up in a nice little box

But you can't have my kid

Don't go talkin' about court
Because you'd lose in court
And even if you didn't
I'd spit in the judge's face
And take my kid to Mexico
Before I'd let you lay a hand on him

He's a quiet little boy
With a quiet little soul
And he's been gettin' all worked up lately
Thinkin' he was gonna wind up with you

So I told him that wasn't goin' to happen
And in case you forgot
I'm the parent that keeps the promises

That means you gotta leave, Brady

You may not be able to leave with your pride
Or your old girlfriend
Or your son
But at least you're leaving with a pretty little tail
Tucked right where your gusto should be

And if you still plan on hanging around
I'm going to go find myself something sharp
And make sure you leave here
With some cuts in you
That I'll swear you got during a bar fight

So go on and take off
Because you ain't leavin' with my kid

But you'll get over it
Seems to me
You're getting pretty good
At leaving empty-handed