I'm Not Sure You're Aware of How Attractive I Am

Perhaps you're blind
Are you blind?
Maybe you're blind

I'm sorry
Blind people are sad

I get sad
When I see blind people
Knowing they can't see me

You see, I'm very attractive
And if you can't--

Oh, you're not

Well, then
There must be a mistake

You see, if you were aware of how attractive I am
You certainly wouldn't be turning down my offer
Of coffee and a meaningless fling

Meaningless for me, of course
It would certainly mean the world to you

. . . . .

What?

No, you must be blind
Or challenged
Perhaps you're challenged?

Sometimes beauty can disturb
The mentally unsound
Like how the Mona Lisa
Once drove a man to kill his entire family

I don't know if that's actually true
Sometimes I just say things
And people believe me

It's fun--for me

So when are we going out?

. . . . .

Okay, I can see this is confusing you
You must be stupid
Stupid girls just adore me
I'm used to it
Don't feel bad

I can navigate you through this

I just asked you out
I'm incredibly gorgeous
A lady pigeon once flung itself
Against my office window
Trying to get at me

So now I have deemed you worthy
Of a two-dollar coffee
And a night of ecstasy
That you'll never be able to replicate again

You say 'Yes'
I get your number
I call in three weeks
When I stumble across it in my phone
And remember that you were sort of all right looking

Then we get that two-dollar coffee
And the magic begins

Got it?

. . . . .

Okay

I'm not sure you're aware how attractive I am
Perhaps I should take off my shirt

. . . . .

Hang on

Let me put down a napkin
To catch your drool

What?

Keep it on?

My shirt?

You want to me to KEEP my shirt on?

Perhaps you're not clear on what's under here

I want you to imagine the goddess of love
Cradling a newborn baby
While a symphony plays
And sweet tarts fall from the sky

That's what's underneath this shirt

. . . . .

Okay

Are you sure you're aware of where you are right now?

Should I get a doctor?

You don't look all that well

I mean, I'd still hook up with you
But you don't look well

Wait!

Where are you going?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE PASSING UP?

INNOCENT BIRDS HAVE DIED FOR THIS!

I AM A CHARMING INDIVIDUAL!

WHATEVER! YOU HAVE A LAZY EYE ANYWAY!

A LAZY STUPID EYE!

. . . . .

I gotta stop hitting
On these crazy girls