The Man Who Took My Purse

He was bald
Shaved head
Looked like a cue ball
Very scary
Bald men
Unnaturally bald men, I should say

Regular bald men
Don't usually scare me

Are you writing this down?
You should be writing this down

He had a tattoo on his arm
His left arm
A blue tattoo
Looked like a violet
Like a blue violet
Or maybe it was a symbol
A Satanic symbol, maybe

I couldn't really tell
It all happened so--

Are you writing this down?
Write down 'Possible Blue Violet'
Or 'Blue Pagan Symbol'

Always good to be thorough

He ripped the purse
Right off my arm
Then took off

He could have tried to attack me
He could have tried to--

Oh, too horrible
Just too horrible

Why do you look so calm?
Have you ever been mugged?

Of course not
You're a big tough police officer
Who would mug you?

He had the same eyes as you too
You got a brother?

Yeah, well
I might ask for another officer
Just keep that in mind
At any point
I might ask for someone else
To take down this report
Because I'm not sure I trust you
Mister Police Officer

He ran into the park
Like a coward
Like a yellow-bellied coward

You should write that down
'Yellow-bellied coward'

What?

Look for him?

In the park?

Well, I guess you could
But wouldn't it be easier
For me to just take you to him?

Well, I know where he is, Mister Police Officer
He's right where he fell
Where I left him

What are you talking about?

Got away?

No! I didn't let him get away!
What kind of weakling do you take me for?
Why do you think I keep a handgun in my pocket?

I shot the bastard

Big guy he was too
The Earth practically shook when he went down

Right near the pond
Where the joggers go

Write that down
Are you writing that down?

'Where the joggers go'

That's where I left him

No, I didn't come here
To report a mugging

I came here to tell you
Where you could find him

Oh no, he won't get away
Don't you worry

It's not like I shot him in the leg

Hahaha

Write that down, would you?

Write down--

'She didn't shoot him in the leg'

That'll give somebody
A good laugh