Theater Seven

Brisket!

Brisket, it's me

You are NOT going to believe
Who's in Theater 3
Watching 'Kill You Twice'

NIKAO FRIGGIN' BRODY!

I'm not!

I'm not joking!

Brisket, I'm not!

I'm not!

No!

YES!

No!

NIKAO BRODY!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Right?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

He came in and started talking to me
About shit and like life
And stuff

It was AMAZING

Huh?

No, he was in 'Temple of Blood'

No, that's not Nikao Brody
That's Brady Crawford

Nikao Brody was 'Temple of Blood'
Brady Crawford was in 'Blood Temple'

One was about a temple of blood
The other was about a couple deconstructing their marriage
While trying to save their farm in Montana

Yeah, that one sucked
The other didn't

Now do you remember?

No, he doesn't have an OSCAR!

Dude, Nikao Brody doesn't NEED an Oscar
He was in 'Temple of' FRIGGIN 'Blood!'

Hang on--

Theater Seven, Enjoy Your Show

Okay, so--

We were talking about film
And like, life
And shit
And stuff

And I told him
How you and I
Made that movie
In the abandoned lot
Next to your house

And how it got picked
For that Horror Film Festival
And we would have won
If that other guy's uncle
Hadn't been on the judging panel

And I told him how we're like
Kinda local celebrities
But we don't let it get to our heads
Because we're not douchebags like that

And I was telling how
In a lot of ways
He and I are wicked similar
Because we've both touched fame
And felt its cruel cold edge
As it crawled along our throats...

What's that from, Brisket?

Quick quick quick--

Ohhhh nooooo, my friend

It's from 'Don't Go Downstairs'
It's what Billie says to Chris
Right before he goes downstairs

Hang on--

Theater Seven, Enjoy Your Show

Man, this is so insane

Nikao Brody was talking to me
He was talking to me like I'm a person
He even ordered popcorn from me
And didn't get mad
When I spilled Pepsi on it

Like, you know celebrities are people and shit
But you don't really KNOW that, you know?
Until they're, like, there

And he's a real person

And I was telling him
That he should totally remake our movie
But let us star in it too

Like, he could have your role
And I could keep my role
And you could be an extra, or something

Brisket, this is Hollywood
Of course they wouldn't let you keep your original role
You don't have box office potential

Um, who got major ass
After our film debuted
At the Jamestown Horror Weekend?

Dude, I was swimming in ass
I was high diving into ass
I was building ass castles
With ass sand
On an ass beach in--

Hang on

Theater Seven, Enjoy Your Show

--Ass Land, U.S.A.

Huh?

Oh yeah, ass sand
Kinda gross
Sorry

Point being--

I'm destined for fame
You can see it, man
You can look at me
And just SEE it

I'm not going to spend the rest of my life
Ripping off tickets to other people's movies

I want to make my way to a rooftop somewhere
And look out over the world
And say I saw it
And say I claimed it
And say I made something out of myself
That nobody could have made
With a thousand hands

Because nobody can make a hero
But the hero

...What's that from, Brisket?

Quick, Quick, Quick

Ohhhh, I'm sorry, my friend

That is not from 'Surrendering the Badge'
That is from 'Surrending the Badge 2: Give Me Your Badge...in 3-D"

You gotta know your movies man
How you gonna hang out with a movie star like me
If you don't know your movies?

I love movies, man

I love sitting in a theater
At midnight on a Tuesday
When my Mom's working a late shift
And my Dad's drunk on the couch
Pretending like when I'm done watching Nikao Brody kick some ass
I'm going to go home to some castle somewhere
I'm going to go home and be a star

And I'll take you with me, Brisket
I'll take everybody with me

Just wait, man

One day
I'll be Theater Seven
I'll be who they're going to see