Play It for the Stars

Do you know I played Emma Goldman
In a movie once?

Did you hear of it?

It was...kind of big

I mean, on the art circuit

I won an Independent Spirit Award

It's like an Oscar
That nobody cares about

Robin Wright Penn has, like, twelve of them

But, um--

I played Emma Goldman
In the movie 'Emma'
Which was sort of confusing for people
Because they thought we were doing a remake of Jane Austen's 'Emma'
So there was that confusion
Amidst the acclaim
And on top of it--

--And this I've never told anyone--

I don't know a damn thing
About Emma Goldman

I mean, when I got the role
I didn't even google her

My performance is now considered
The DEFINITIVE portrait
Of young Emma Goldman
And I have never even read a biography
About the woman

The movie ended when Emma's like--thirty
And, God as my witness
I have no idea what happens to her after that

And it wasn't some acting thing
I wasn't doing it
For some intricate 'acting' reason

I just really didn't care

That's who I am, Alan
That's Christina Marks
And that--is not--an actress

Not a good one anyway

Although, one that does have an Independent Spirit Award
And a Golden Globe nomination
And a Kid's Choice Award
Which I'm planning to sell on e-bay
In like, a day

I am a girl who came to Providence, Rhode Island
To film an artsy movie
Even artsier than 'Emma'
In the hopes of reestablishing herself as an actress
After photos of her leaked
Kissing another girl

I'm here to make people take me seriously
And now, I'm lying on a lawn in a suburb outside Providence
Smoking pot and making out
With a guy I just met three hours ago

I have failed, Alan
I am a failure
I have failed at my life
At my art
At my intentions
At my dreams
At everything

I

have

failed

So do me a favor

Take that guitar lying next to you
And play me a song

Play me something sweet
Something that sounds like New England

Because right now, Alan
I am wrapped up in Hollywood
And I want it off
I want it off me
I want it scrubbed off my skin
Like dirt

And I want to wrap myself up
In this little moment

This little 4am exchange
Between you and I
And the fading night

Play something that can transport me
Back to a time
When I didn't open up the mail
And see a script entitled 'Blood River'
Where I'd get to play a girl
Whose twin sister gets murdered
By a Satanic cult in New Orleans

I get excited for scripts like that, Alan
I get enthusiastic
For that garbage

What in the world has happened to me?

Play a song about love
Simple love
James Taylor love

Play that oooh child song
About walking in the rays
Of a beautiful sun

Can you play that on guitar?

Play me a song
Until we see the sun
And then we'll make love
And fall asleep
Until the sprinklers shower
Our naked bodies

Then I'll get up
Dust myself off
And go do some really shitty acting

I'll do some awful monologue
Where I talk about not being able to love

So play, Alan

Can you do that?
Can you play something like that
For me?

Maybe you can't
Maybe I'm not inspirational enough
To provoke anything that moving

In that case, don't play it for me
Play it for the stars

Play it
So they have something
To remember us by