Tony Hooper's Gold Star

Hi, my name is Tony Hooper
I'm in 3rd Grade
At least, I will be
For another couple of days

In the nine months that I had been
In Mrs. Brugel's third grade class
I had failed to accrue even ONE gold star

Not one!

When I asked Mrs. Brugel why this was the case
She told me that gold stars are given to someone
When they're NOT trying to earn them

Confused?

So was I!

I thought she was trying to say
That gold stars are like forbidden fruit

Like when you want a strawberry
But you can't have one
Because they're out of season

But she said that gold stars are so special
Because you never know when you're going to get them

I try explaining to her
That things are never special
When you know you're going to get them

We didn't know we were going to get my little sister
And there's NOTHING special about her

So I started trying not trying to get gold stars
But it's really hard

Pretending you don't want something
When you really, really do want it
Is maybe the trickiest thing I've ever done

I told my Mom and she said--

"Now you know how every actor whose ever been nominated for anything feels."

I thought maybe I could get one
By being extra special nice to people

That's why I started giving my organic carrot snacks to Fat Pants
So that he could lose some weight
And also so that I wouldn't have to eat organic carrot snacks

Then I told Nicole that I would help her with her math homework
Even though I'm not all that good with fractions

I asked my Dad if he could help, but he said--

'First of all, if I wanted fractions done, I'd call the high-priced accountant on my payroll to do them for me while I sit around and think about how I never finished college but was smart enough to invest in IBM."

...That was his first of all

...There was no second of all

Finally I threw a charity benefit at my house
For kids who can't have good Christmases
Because they're poor

My friend Marty Rosenbaum didn't come
Because he doesn't celebrate Christmas

I said--'Well Marty, maybe you could if you had some charity money!'
He said--'No, Tony, I don't celebrate it because I'm Jewish.'

Marty explained to me that being Jewish means you're God's chosen people

I told him that if God chose me not to have Christmas
I don't know if I'd be too happy with him

We didn't end up raising that much money

Nobody told me that charity parties
Are more about the party and not very much about the charity

By the time I was done paying K.C. and the Sunshine Band
I barely had any money left

It looks like the Rosenbaums are going to have to celebrate Hanukkah again this year

On the last day of school, I was cleaning out my desk after school
When Mrs. Brugel sat down next to me
And gave me a box

'Open it' she said

So I did, and inside
Was a giant gold star

'But Mrs. Brugel,' I said, 'What did I do?'

And she said--'Tony Hooper, you've been my gold star all year long.'

And you know what?
Mrs. Brugel was right

I liked that star a lot better
Because I wasn't expecting it

Not at all