That Might Not Be Sex

-- This owes a lot to George Saunders. --

"That Might Not Be Sex"

...Krorg...um...

That might not be sex

What happened, I mean
Between you and NiNi

That might not be sex

Well, wait, so...

You hit her on the head with the club
After the two of you had eaten flying dinosaur
And then you dragged her back into your cave
Where you proceeded to ravage her

...Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and say that's not sex

Well, I know, that's what we DO
But I just don't think you can call it SEX

Well what did NiNi say about it later?

She said it was...lousy?

Well, no, I wouldn't say it was...lousy sex
I mean, you'd sort of have to experience it
To call it...lousy

I would just say that it didn't actually happened
I mean, I know it HAPPENED
It occurred
But I just wouldn't say that it was actually...sex

Which is good in one way, because then it couldn't be lousy
Lousy sex is still sex
However, if it's not sex at all
Then we may need to examine--

BIG SCARY TINY ARMS BIG TEETH REPTILE!

EVERYBODY HIDE!

We have GOT to give that thing
A smaller name

Anyway

I just think we may need to examine
Whether or not what we define as sex
Is actually...sex...or...

Us knocking women unconscious
And then taking advantage of them
While they're practically lifeless

Well, I KNOW they expect it of us, Krorg
But that doesn't necessarily make it right

Remember when we used to punish the kids
By throwing them in fire pits?
And then we started running out of kids?

Remember how we thought that was right, too?

Sometimes things that seem right at first aren't
Even when everybody agrees that they're right
Just because they're the easiest way to do things

. . . . .

Yeah, that sounds crazy

But I mean, wouldn't it be easier
If we made the women folk
WANT to have sex with us?

Wouldn't it be nice
To have them WILLINGLY go with us
Back to our caves?

Wouldn't it be cool to have sex with a woman
That was awake and able to enjoy the experience?

I just think it's a little weird
That we can tell how many men a woman's slept with
By how many bumps there are on her head

I mean, sure, it's HELPFUL
But it just doesn't seem right

And maybe a lot more of us would stop dying during sex
If there was another person in the cave
Able to point out
That a lion with long teeth had come in
And was about to pounce on us

I mean, I'm just putting that out there, but--

LONG NECK WITH BIG FEET!
LONG NECK WITH BIG FEET!

HIDE THE LETTUCE!
HIDE THE LETTUCE!

. . . . .

I just think it would be great if we, as a people
Could start talking to each other more

I mean, we have an alphabet now
And Blork invented that round thing that moves
And we've managed to figure out how to skin the long-tusked elephant
Before the meat rots from the inside!

We are becoming so much more progressive
Than our parents

I think we just need to think about how to keep that going
On a social level

And I think the way to do that
Is to start asking our women
If they actually WANT to have sex with us

I know it's radical

...But at least it'll be sex

Who knows?

It might actually be fun