Lucy and the Neighbors

Ohhhhhh hiiiii!

It's me!

Lucy!

I'm locked out of my house--again!

Hahaha.

I really need to remember
To leave that deck door open
When I'm sunbathing

A towel?

Oh no, I wouldn't want to borrow one of your towels
Plus, it's sooo hot outside

And I wouldn't want my tan
To get uneven

My gentleman friend gets all riled up
Whenever my breasts are nice and tanned

Hmm?

You are?

Well, I'm sorry
But there's nothing to be embarrassed about

After all, we're both adults
We're both women
Aren't we--

I'm sorry, what was your name again?

Vivian, right
Aren't we both adults, Vivian?

There's nothing I have
That you haven't got
And from the looks of it
I might have a significant amount more

Hahaha--oh I mean that in the nicest way possible!

Oh, you sound just like my daughter, Rachel
She's sooo timid

I tell her all the time

Honey, if I had legs like yours
I'd never wear pants!

Hahaha

Do you have a daughter?

Ohhhhh yes, Eve!

I think my son knows her!

Doesn't she do theater?

Well, what do you know
I think they just did 'Hair' together
Downtown at the Ballantine!

Oh, how I WISH I had done theater
When I was their age

But my mother was such a prude

She'd always waddle around like a chicken
Saying things like--

'Lucille, get down out of that tree house. Tree houses are for boys.'

or

'Lucille, you are NOT going out of the house wearing a bikini top and a sarong.'

or

'Lucille, what are those three boys doing in your closet?'

God, that woman knew how to kill a childhood

Hmm?

Oh!

Well, I was going to see
If you had a chair I could stand on
I left my kitchen window open
But now that we've been having
Such a lovely talk--

Oh honey, I can climb through a window naked
Don't worry about me
I was raised in the South after all

Hell, I can climb through a window naked
While holding a banana cream pie
AND not wake up the dog

Hahaha--Unless you have a husband that could do it for me? I'd be happy to show him where the opening--

Oh, any kind of chair is fine.

I won't get it dirty, don't worry
I still have my socks on

Well, you know, I forgot to take 'em off
And then I didn't want to go all the way back into the house
Just to put 'em in the hamper
And I didn't like the way they'd look
Just lying on the deck

And...

All right, I'm fibbing a little

To be honest, I just hate my feet
I just hate 'em

They are the ruination
Of what is otherwise
A perfectly lovely body

I have this house boy who comes in twice a week
Unfortunately not today
Otherwise I wouldn't have to be bothering you
Which reminds me
Could I have some lemonade?
I'm getting parched with all this conversation

Anyway--

I met him through my daughter's ex-boyfriend

They're roommates
And he's quite a stunning young man
So I just LOVE having him around the house

Anyway--

He was going to fix the faucet in my bathroom
And he didn't know I was home
So in he walks
Right when I have my feet on the sink
Painting my toenails

Ohhhhh, I was sooooo embarrassed!

But then, he offers to finish doing them for me!

It turns out
He's a homosexual
And in between fixing leaky faucets at my place
He's a model for artists
AND his mother was a cosmetician

Oh we had a great time
Just sitting and laughing
And telling stories

He's having an affair
With this married man
Who happens to be the husband
Of a woman he sat for last week

Can you imagine, Vivian?

Oh, not so much sugar in that lemonade
Otherwise I'll be so hyper
I'll end up talking your ear off

Anyway--

Pretty soon
I didn't care at all
That he was looking at my feet
And touching them

And...

You know it just goes to show you
It's silly to have insecurities like that

I mean, what are feet really?
Or breasts?
Or legs?
Or lazy eyes?

Oh sorry, honey
I wasn't trying to hint at anything

Although I would get that leftie of yours checked out
For a second there
I thought somebody was standing in the doorway to my right

Hahaha--oh careful! You almost spilled the lemonade all over me!

Wouldn't that have been an erotic?

A naked woman in your kitchen
Covered in lemonade

I bet Mr. Vivian would have gotten a KICK out of that!

Hahaha--well, I'll just take this chair and go

But Viv, it has been a real pleasure

The next time I get locked out of my house
I know just who I'm coming to see!