...Well, today it's going to be beautiful out. Weather's going to be nice and sunny, John.
Not like the fiery pit of Hell that's raging inside my heart.
But you know all about that, don't you, Lucy?
Oh, I'm sure you and John are just LOVING this gorgeous day. You and John will probably go back to the house we once shared and SCREW right on the lawn--
--Which will be a little bit damp later on in the week due to some early summer showers.
Lucy knows all about showers, don't you, Lucy? Get her in the shower and she turns into a little water nymph named Lola, don't you, Lucy?
Does John know about Lola? Did you tell him that before he took over my life?
Speaking of take-overs, a hurricane is going to be taking over the eastern part of the state sometime around five o'clock Saturday. Massive damage is expected all along the coastline.
Sort of like the massive damage rendered upon my soul by Hurricane John over there. Too bad he won't be blowing out anytime soon, unlike the real hurricane, which should only last until mid-afternoon Sunday.
And that's the weather for today.
Back to you, the girlfriend-stealing asshole and the miserable bitch I chose to date when I could have been with Lanie the Sports Girl and gotten free tickets to every Celtics game and--
Oh, this just in:
I've been fired...and...Lanie's a lesbian.
Well, I guess I should have expected that...those...both of those...
Next up, something in your life may be toxic.
(If you're dating Lucy, it's probably herpes.)
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