What I'd Fix

I'd fix my toes
They're a little
Every which way
And I would fix that

I'd also like the bottoms of my feet
To be smoother

I'd like my ankles
To translate and dissolve
Into the foot area
And not stand out

In other words,
I'd like invisible ankles

I'd like my thighs
To be proportionate
To the rest of my body

I don't mind having meaty thighs
But the rest of me isn't meaty
So why should my thighs be?

I'd like my ass to be an ass
Instead of just flat upper thigh area

I have no ass
And it makes life difficult

I can't do yoga
I can't sit on a floor comfortably
Although as I get older
The occasions when I need to do this
Are becoming few and far between

I'd like a bigger chest
I know every woman wants bigger breasts
But I'd just like SOME breasts
I have nothing
I have no breasts
It's...ugh

My doctor actually told me to gain weight
He said gain weight
And then you'll have breasts

So my options are being skinny and flat-chested
Or fat with decent breasts

These are my choices

I'd like the dark circles around my eyes to go away
I'd like my hair to be manageable
I'd like my ears to stick out a little bit more
Because I find that endearing in other people

I'd like my arms to not be so scrawny
I'd like my hands to be more genteel
I'd like my elbows to not look so ashy
I'd like my teeth to be white and perfect

I went to a retreat with my friend Agnes
My daughter, Eve, was going to come
But she wasn't feeling well
Or something

I think she's seeing a man
And for some reason
She doesn't want me to know about it

Well, there Agnes and I were
Naked
Standing around a swimming pool
And I felt fine
And she felt uncomfortable
And she thought that I felt fine
Because I just adore my body

What she didn't realize was that
I'm fine with my body
Because I tell myself
That one day
I will fix it

I will fix the whole damn thing
And until then
I am capable of putting up with it
Because I know
That it is going to change

Even though another part of me
Knows this is just a fairy tale
That I'm telling myself

Isn't that strange?

That I live within a contradiction?

My neighbor loves her body

She walks around her yard naked
And occasionally she'll lock herself out of her house
And saunter over to my house
Again, totally naked
As if it's nothing at all to be embarrassed about

I'm not embarrassed of my body
But I think of it as I would a messy room in my house

I don't like having guests over
Until I've had some time to tidy it up

Of course
There are things about me
That I can't fix

I'm a bit of a nag
I'm a bit of a prude
I'm a bit judgmental...at times

But at this age
I've learned
That you don't change who you are
You just try to stay aware of who you are
And make as many jokes about it as possible

There's no time
To change this frump of a person
That lurks underneath me

But there might still be time
To lift the face
And fix the flab
And get those toes
All in a row

There's still time
To dress all this up

Because if there weren't
Well...

That really would be sad
Wouldn't it?