What I Am

Eve was banished from the garden
Naked, and ashamed

She was naked before
But when God gave her shame
Her nakedness
Became the center
Of her shame

...or something

I fuck married men

I do it because it feels good
Because sex feels good
Because forbidden sex feels great
Because my father withheld love from me
And my mother is an ice cold bitch

My entire life will be spent
Seeking revenge
While naked

I feel powerful
When I'm naked

Clothing is the great equalizer

People say underneath our clothes
We're all the same
But let's be honest

You can dress up a cow
To look like a chicken
But when you take off the costume
It is what it is

And when I'm naked
I'm significantly ahead
Of most of the population

Call me egotistical
But it's the truth

And when you're naked
It's all about the truth

I'm not ashamed
I'm sure I will be one day
Because I don't exercise
And I'm confident that one day
My metabolism will slow down
And I'll balloon out
Like the Blueberry Girl
From Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

And then I won't be fucking married men
Or any men, for that matter
Except maybe for chubby chasers
And who wants to fuck them?

Oohhhh, look at the men
Getting uncomfortable
With a naked woman swearing

Men don't like it when women swear

Well--fuck men

I do

I spent my entire life getting fucked by men
And one day I decided
I might as well fuck back

No, I was not molested as a child
That's not why I am the way I am

I was not abused
I was not neglected
I was just unloved
But then again
Aren't we all?

I think who you end up being
Is a lot like being naked

You can make excuses for why it is the way it is
But it probably would have been that way anyway

I could blame my mother
For my hips
But this girl I went to school with
Had a giant nose
And neither her mother nor her father did
So what would you say about that?

You'd say if you're meant to have a giant nose, you do
And that's all there is to it

So as long as that's the case
You might as well like what you see

If you're looking for a philosophy
That's mine

Look at it
And love it

All I ever see when I look at people
Are naked people

I look at them
Then I proceed to undress them
And I'm never particularly appalled
By what I see

I see my mother
With her strange toes
And her meaty thighs
And her ridiculously small waistline
And I think she looks great

I see our neighbor
Who walks around her yard naked
Not caring one bit
That she's getting up there in age
And that her breasts are in a perpetual state of falling
And I think she looks great

I see the man I'm sleeping with
And I notice all the things wrong with him
The wrinkles and the spots and the sagging balls
And I think it's great
That he doesn't care
Whether or not he looks great

I see his secretary
Every Tuesday
And she's so beautiful
It's like watching the Mona Lisa
Answering phones and getting coffee
And I think she looks amazing

I see the photo on her desk of her brother
Who I guess does theater or something
In the photo he's dressed up like a hippie
And his shirt is open
And his chest looks spectacular
And he's probably gay
And I think he looks gorgeous
In a way only gay men can

I see the photos on my married lover's desk
Of his wife and his son
And they're both too beautiful to look at

Two people who don't understand
How truly fantastic they are
And how could they
When the man they live with
Doesn't understand it either

I see the naked guy
At the party I was at the other night
And I can see that he took off all his clothes
Trying to see if he could find
The spot on him
That indicates what's wrong with him

Like a rash
Or a sore
Or a wound
Or a scar

I can see him looking and looking
Like a dog chasing its tail
And I feel badly for him

Because he's never going to find it on himself
So he's just going to keep looking
On everybody else

Asking--'Do you have what's wrong with me?'

I see the model in my art class
Who stands there naked in front of all of us
And he looks a lot like me

In other words
He looks like he thinks
His looks can costume
What he really is

He thinks we don't know he's a chicken
With a really good cow costume

But I can see his feathers
And his beak
And his nastiness
And his deceit
And his loathing for himself

Because a cow knows another cow
When she sees one

And I see myself
In a mirror

Large breasts
Long legs
Great hair
Tight in all the right places

And I wonder...

If everybody could see this--

And I mean a lot of people have seen it
But...

If everybody could see it

Would they know what I am?

Maybe then
I'd feel ashamed