Holly's Prayer

Dear God,

I'm praying to you tonight live from my new tree house, recently opened after a little temper tantrum caused my father to speed up productivity and get it finished before the end of the school year.

Thank you for the tree, for the beautiful night sky, and for my uncanny ability to scream at the top of my lungs for over three minutes without stopping for air.

I have my list of people I'd like you to smite:

Chuckie
Nathaniel
Bebe

And of course, the new girl, Iliana

She's from Italy--a godless country, or so I'm told by my Irish grandmother.

Iliana transferred into my class halfway through the year, and in one week, managed to seduce all my concubines, including Slow Jeremy, but that might have just been because she wears lots of shiny bracelets.

I've been looking through Leviticus, and I think I have a few suitable punishments for Iliana's transgressions.

I've highlighted the especially appropriate ones, but when it comes time to take her down, feel free to surprise me.

My mother has refused to let me go to New York by myself for my ninth birthday. For this, I would like you to place at least three boils on her face, preferably one on her lips, as that might hinder her from speaking nonsense like--

"No, Holly, you can't go--you might get kidnapped!"

Clearly she doesn't remember when Billy Trumbull tried to pull me into the bushes against my wishes.

It's been two years, and they still haven't figured out where I buried his fingers.

Lastly, please force Tony Hooper to love me, as we would be the ultimate power couple going into the war zone that is fourth grade next year.

With my cunning and brute force and his unassailable likability and constant bungling of the English language, we'd be the only logical choice for Class President and First Gentleman.

I shall now go to sleep underneath the stars you have given me, knowing one day I will figure out a way to transcend time and space, topple you as All-Powerful Leader of the Universe, and claim my rightful place in the skies.

Amen.