Haircut

He'll tell you it's a half hour

No matter when you call
No matter how many people are waiting
No matter when you're coming in

It's gonna be a half hour

So you show up
And you wait
You wait hours

You look at the guy next to you
He has a beard
That he didn't have
When he got there

It's a Saturday morning
And you thought you'd be in and out
If you showed up
At the ungodly hour
Of 8-A-M

There are people everywhere
Mostly fathers with young sons
Who have been dispatched to the barber
Some for the first time

So there you are
Surrounded by hair
People with hair
With too much hair

You're wondering what's taking so long

Every man boy and guy
That walks away from that chair
Has a buzzcut

You want a buzzcut

Well, not really
You don't
But you'll take it
If it means
You'll get out of here faster

None of that is the point
The point is
It does NOT take very long
To give a buzzcut

So why is everybody in that chair
For at least forty-five minutes?

Oh right...

Because the barber talks

He does nothing BUT talk

He talks
He talks
He talks
He buzzes a patch of hair

He talks
He talks
He talks
He steps to the side
Looks
Talks
Buzzes a patch of hair

He talks
He talks
He talks
He chews on his gum
He talks
He steps to the side
He talks
He steps back
He talks
He snips some hair with scissors
Then buzzes it off

WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT?

Why is this haircut
Turning into a choreographed routine?

There is hope in your heart
That the others around you
Will also get irritated
And rise up against this chatty dictator

He who rules with iron trimmers

But instead
They seem to love his behavior
Perhaps this is the only chance some of them get
To converse with another man

You overhear some of the conversation

'Fuckin' team sucks.'
'Ay, they not so bad.'
'Ay, they suck.'
'Yeah, they prob'ly do.'

Can the long-haired men
Not have this conversation at home
With their coffee mugs?

You try paying attention to the three by three inch
Television situated in a corner of the room
But it's so grainy and the volume is so low
That for all you know
You're watching soft-core pornography

It wouldn't surprise you

You start to have illusions of doing your own hair...

How hard could it be?
Could it be that hard?
Would you really turn out
Looking like a character
From 'Girl, Interrupted?'

Yes

Yes, you would

So you sit right where you are
And you wait your turn
And when the time comes
For you to sit in the chair

The barber will ask you
How you're doing

And you'll say--

'Fine. Just fine, thanks.'