First of all, I don't see why Nicole likes Fat Pants
Because he's fat
And you can't love fat people
The media tells us that
And now I can't have Nicole be my girlfriend
Even though everyone thinks she should be
Because I asked everyone
And charted their responses
On this circle graph
Which we had to do for homework anyway
That's my first of all
Second of all, Lucinda wants to be my girlfriend
But she doesn't want kids
Because she wants to be true to herself
And I don't know what that means
But girls who don't want kids are stupid
Because kids are fun
Except kids like my little brother
But we won't have a kid like my brother
Because if we do
I can just mail him to Russia
Plus Lucinda eats crayons
So her breath smells like citrus orange
Which is a dumb color
That's my second of all
VII. This new girl Pauline could be my girlfriend
But she fails to inspire me creatively
Which is what my teacher Ms. Brugel says she looks for
In a compatible life partner
Which is what women with short hair call their husbands
Pauline tried to stab me with her Juicy Fruit straw yesterday
Then she stole my glasses and licked my elbow
That's how I know she likes me
I read past the mixed signals
In conclusion, as my circle graph shows
My emotions are all over the place
I really want to be in love
Because love is a beautiful thing
Unless you're in love with Fat Pants
Then love eats your lunch and burps a lot
But that's not the love I want
I want a happy cool love
Where I can have a girlfriend
And we can wear pajamas
And stay up all night
And scare each other with scary stories
And then go out my window
And run around everywhere
While everyone else sleeps
That would be really cool
But I guess until then
I'm on my own
Because you can't just love anybody
That's how you wind up with a crayon eater
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