How Many Drinks?

Can I ask you something?

How many drinks does it take
'Till you get to the center
Of that old guy's wallet?

How many drinks does it take
For you to forget your past
And convince yourself
The future looks any different?

How many shots do you have to do
To make the guy you're dating
Look less like a cardboard cut-out
Of a Himalayan mountain goat?

How much do you have to pound
To stop hating yourself
And your life
And your job
And your day
And your Himalayan mountain boyfriend
And your mother
And your friends
And your lack of funds
The lack that exists
Because you spend all your funds
On drinking

Oops, I forgot the question mark

How many drinks do you have to down
To go down on someone else's boyfriend
While still telling yourself
That you like girls?

How fucked up do you have to get
To get fucked up against a dumpster
In a parking lot next to the children's museum?

How wasted do you have to get
To forget that you wasted
Five bucks getting into this dive
Just so you can dive into hopelessness
With a brick on the gas pedal?

Tell me, sweetie
Because, you see
I don't drink...much

So maybe you could explain
How much I would have to drink
To get to be
As merry
As you are

How many?

C'mon, tell me

How many drinks?