If You Don't Love the Man, Then the Dress Won't Fit

Let me explain something to you.

If you don't love the man
Then the dress won't fit

I've been making wedding dresses
For awhile now
And what I can confidently say
Is that you if you don't love
The man you're going to marry
You are not getting yourself in that dress

I have squeezed
And yanked
And zipped up
Woman after woman
Time after time
June after rainy, miserable June

And I send them down that aisle
Looking like a white-wrapped sausage
With a train and a veil

Then two months later
I hear that things didn't work out

I could have told them that
I should have, maybe
But I never do

Because it's not my place
I just make the dress
Then I shove them into it
And pray they don't pass out
From asphyxiation
During the ceremony

I know what you're thinking

You're thinking
A dress fits or doesn't fit
Based on how much the bride
Weighs or doesn't weigh

You're thinking maybe the brides who didn't fit
Gained too much weight beforehand
Or lost too much weight
Or were stressed out
So they ate more

Or something like that

But that's not true

You want to know why?

Because a bride who loves the man
Who has no doubt in her mind
That she is marrying the man she loves
Will slip into that dress
With no problem at all

Because she's not worried about the dress
She's not worried about the flowers
She's not worried about the flower girl
Who won't stop picking her nose
Even when photos are being taken

All she's thinking about
Is the man she's going to marry

Putting a wedding dress on a woman in love
It's like pulling off a band-aid

They barely even feel it

So, ladies
Trust me on this
Marry a man you love

Otherwise, you're going to need
A lot more zippers